Day ten - What you wore today
Today, I didn't do my hair, I left it curly and sprayed hairspray so it goes down one died of my face. I fake tanned last night, and chucked on some liquid eyeliner and mascara on this morning. I wore my mother's huge non-fitting plain, black, Cotton On leggings with just a few spills of white paint on the side of my left knee. I wore my Singha Beer singlet underneath, it's from Thailand yeah boy! And, I also wore my 'becoming-favorite-knit-jumper-because-everybody-steals-my-original-ones' jumper, it brown and plain with copious patterns in the same colour as the background. And black vans, how sweet? Two bracelets on my wrist and a hair tie but an eliminated accessory; key necklace which I just happen to leave at my friends house.
I'm writing too much for what the fuck I wore today, far out Brussel!
Today, I didn't do my hair, I left it curly and sprayed hairspray so it goes down one died of my face. I fake tanned last night, and chucked on some liquid eyeliner and mascara on this morning. I wore my mother's huge non-fitting plain, black, Cotton On leggings with just a few spills of white paint on the side of my left knee. I wore my Singha Beer singlet underneath, it's from Thailand yeah boy! And, I also wore my 'becoming-favorite-knit-jumper-because-everybody-steals-my-original-ones' jumper, it brown and plain with copious patterns in the same colour as the background. And black vans, how sweet? Two bracelets on my wrist and a hair tie but an eliminated accessory; key necklace which I just happen to leave at my friends house.
I'm writing too much for what the fuck I wore today, far out Brussel!
God is not real, just a pathetic excuse for idiots that cannot discover the science in the world. Don't get me wrong, there's faith and hope just no God. What the fuck? God? Idiots smoking some crack made 'it' up. It's not in jumpers - polar fleece, nylon and cotton are usually, not god because apparently he's in everything. What liars, fuck the society.
You practically only care about what you want.
Bree: 'mum, My synises hurt.'
Mum: 'take your antibiotics'
- dad butts in -
Dad: if you're still crook by Saturday, I will take you to the doctors. I don't want you to be sick for this camp,, it won't be very good.'
I despise of this fucking camp, and you only think about what you want and yourself. Quite frankly, I have been so sick for a while now, cannot you tell by my voice?
Bree: 'mum, My synises hurt.'
Mum: 'take your antibiotics'
- dad butts in -
Dad: if you're still crook by Saturday, I will take you to the doctors. I don't want you to be sick for this camp,, it won't be very good.'
I despise of this fucking camp, and you only think about what you want and yourself. Quite frankly, I have been so sick for a while now, cannot you tell by my voice?
Day Eight - A moment
To capture a great moment in your mind is worthy, people do not realise how special it is; to create memories and that. I captured a moment on the weekend yeah? I told my beloved friend, Joel about it and I explained it felt just like a reality tv show in every aspect. What situation I'm in is so wrong but right in many ways. The visual aspect of this particular moment: how I went outside and he was sitting there by himself and we talked, how we talked and what we talked about. I don't know how to explain it, I don't need to explain it nor do I want to, I'm just sharing this moment with you and telling you how special that night was to me, every part of it I just fell in love with. So chilled yet it felt like everything around us was burning down - this was it, this is us, we are kids with hearts of gold, that's all.
To capture a great moment in your mind is worthy, people do not realise how special it is; to create memories and that. I captured a moment on the weekend yeah? I told my beloved friend, Joel about it and I explained it felt just like a reality tv show in every aspect. What situation I'm in is so wrong but right in many ways. The visual aspect of this particular moment: how I went outside and he was sitting there by himself and we talked, how we talked and what we talked about. I don't know how to explain it, I don't need to explain it nor do I want to, I'm just sharing this moment with you and telling you how special that night was to me, every part of it I just fell in love with. So chilled yet it felt like everything around us was burning down - this was it, this is us, we are kids with hearts of gold, that's all.
Day Seven - Your bestfriend
How to explain this, got a few loves for a few special girls. Asian Sam is moving up, Samuel once was the best kid in the world. It's pretty sad to say; I would like to consider Steph as my bestfriend, but she keeps on disappointing me. Natalia and Monique, it was once the four amigos - we're fading but I can't help that, but I can tell you I'm not just standing there and watching. Claudia and Max, you girls are my world. Morge, I care about you more than you could imagine. 'Your bestfriend', what a shit question? so overrated.
How to explain this, got a few loves for a few special girls. Asian Sam is moving up, Samuel once was the best kid in the world. It's pretty sad to say; I would like to consider Steph as my bestfriend, but she keeps on disappointing me. Natalia and Monique, it was once the four amigos - we're fading but I can't help that, but I can tell you I'm not just standing there and watching. Claudia and Max, you girls are my world. Morge, I care about you more than you could imagine. 'Your bestfriend', what a shit question? so overrated.
Day Six - What you did today
Today, Darcie and Aunty 'Julz' Julie arrived from Darwin as I slept at Maximes. I then came home at 10:30am, when I was supposed to home at 10am; I know - bad ass. I then cleaned my room and shoved everything under my bed and vacuumed, looked clean enough. I headed off to Maxime's aboad. Maxime, Rab and I drove to Priscilla's house to get Maxime's jumper, and then to the car wash, then to Puckle Street and had a coffee. Then tonight, Chinese for dinner motherfucker! For Chloe's end of Radiotherapy.
THE END!
Today, Darcie and Aunty 'Julz' Julie arrived from Darwin as I slept at Maximes. I then came home at 10:30am, when I was supposed to home at 10am; I know - bad ass. I then cleaned my room and shoved everything under my bed and vacuumed, looked clean enough. I headed off to Maxime's aboad. Maxime, Rab and I drove to Priscilla's house to get Maxime's jumper, and then to the car wash, then to Puckle Street and had a coffee. Then tonight, Chinese for dinner motherfucker! For Chloe's end of Radiotherapy.
THE END!
Day Five - Your definition of love
Definition of love... Isn't this a tad, sketchy question? Well, when time stops, when you have to hold your breath to believe that particular moment is real, that is love, that is sincere fucking love. Everyone wants it, everyone deserves it, but you can only wait it just has to cross your path. There's a fine line between hatred and love, I know I have this is hatred for this kid but before I started despising his character, I didn't know anything what I felt for him, I couldn't understand my emotions. I now believe in love and I once loved that kid. So, there ya go ladies and gentlemen - my definition of love, pretty pathetic I know, leave me the fuck alone.
Definition of love... Isn't this a tad, sketchy question? Well, when time stops, when you have to hold your breath to believe that particular moment is real, that is love, that is sincere fucking love. Everyone wants it, everyone deserves it, but you can only wait it just has to cross your path. There's a fine line between hatred and love, I know I have this is hatred for this kid but before I started despising his character, I didn't know anything what I felt for him, I couldn't understand my emotions. I now believe in love and I once loved that kid. So, there ya go ladies and gentlemen - my definition of love, pretty pathetic I know, leave me the fuck alone.
Day Four - What you ate today
Well today, I ate kranskies for lunch, they were yum. Papa makes the best ones with bread crumbs, cauliflower, onion and some saucy stuff. Tonight, it's Chinese for dinner to celebrate Chloe's last day of Radiotherapy on Friday. I have been craving Chinese like a preggers bitch for about 3 to 4 weeks now. So hands down, it's just fucking fantastic!
Well today, I ate kranskies for lunch, they were yum. Papa makes the best ones with bread crumbs, cauliflower, onion and some saucy stuff. Tonight, it's Chinese for dinner to celebrate Chloe's last day of Radiotherapy on Friday. I have been craving Chinese like a preggers bitch for about 3 to 4 weeks now. So hands down, it's just fucking fantastic!
Day Three - Your parents
Stephen Gordon Graham-Daws & Victoria Deanne Bertram. Both born in the 70's and hippies at heart. Father tells me about his teenage distruction and mum just is a plain old bitch that puts on her great, great, great grandmother's expensive rings when she's drunk. Last night, I realised how fucking humorous she is when she is intoxicated, until then dad was just being an asshole. One thing I wish that I know will never happen; my parents and I were the same age, in a different era: being 18-21 years old and living in the 80s. My parents are fucking sick and I dig their taste in music, that's all.
Stephen Gordon Graham-Daws & Victoria Deanne Bertram. Both born in the 70's and hippies at heart. Father tells me about his teenage distruction and mum just is a plain old bitch that puts on her great, great, great grandmother's expensive rings when she's drunk. Last night, I realised how fucking humorous she is when she is intoxicated, until then dad was just being an asshole. One thing I wish that I know will never happen; my parents and I were the same age, in a different era: being 18-21 years old and living in the 80s. My parents are fucking sick and I dig their taste in music, that's all.
Friday night at Maxie's house with a few of the nicest kids I have met in a long time. Steph, Jessy, Tom, Harly and Todd, as well as Maxime but it was her house. Anyway, watching them skate down Gaffney Street hill - feeling like a groupie, going to get my other slut from his house.
This was fun, this was sick, this was just like a fucking movie.
Day one - Introduce yourself
I'm Brianna, 15 years of age and act a hell lot older. I smoke, I drink. I lead a good life, I draw and read. I like to write. I enjoy my teddy bear alcohol stash for when I'm feeling fun and stuff when I'm home alone. Got two sisters, a mum and a dad - the average family, nothin' much. I'm buying a skateboard for summer so I can easily hold my six pack of beer cans. Guys, nothing more nothing less, I am me, today but not tomorrow.
I'm Brianna, 15 years of age and act a hell lot older. I smoke, I drink. I lead a good life, I draw and read. I like to write. I enjoy my teddy bear alcohol stash for when I'm feeling fun and stuff when I'm home alone. Got two sisters, a mum and a dad - the average family, nothin' much. I'm buying a skateboard for summer so I can easily hold my six pack of beer cans. Guys, nothing more nothing less, I am me, today but not tomorrow.
Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment
Stephanie; my own twin sister, has once again failed me, not a suprise.. Telling mum I skipped class; provoking her to call the school and ask for my attendence records. Thank you so fucking much Stephanie, you've made me the happiest kid in the world. I'm on top of the moon for your unforgiving, rude actions just because I wanted my cigarette back that you had stolen from me. Grounding, Outward Bound? Look what you have done to my life.
Fucking, to make matters worse - I'm hungry as a preggers and I have tutoring soon.. With no homework, Fuck.
Good day, readers.
Fucking, to make matters worse - I'm hungry as a preggers and I have tutoring soon.. With no homework, Fuck.
Good day, readers.
"We want to go somewhere else, stuck in the atmosphere. Up above in the clouds, looking down on tiny, intelligent ants. This is near Neil Armstrong's sake, this is us. We are experiencing this, this is today, not yesterday nor tomorrow. Earth's glowing cities and inside guts; drowning us, flooding our minds. Open your mind child, create barriers like you wouldn't believe and feel love with your beliefs." - Brianna Rae Daws, cursive diary, Monday the 6th of Sept. 12 o'clock - afternoon.
And it’s the darkest side of my heart that dies when you come to me,
And it’s the golden ticket I win when you kill my enemies.
I hear the farthest cry and the softest sigh when I’m empty,
But if you leave me I’ll hide in a game like SimCity.
Oh when I die I’m alive,
And when I lose I find,
My identity.
Son,
If I died on my bedroom floor,
Would you cry on your bedroom floor?
And tattoo my name underneath your arm.
And it’s the golden ticket I win when you kill my enemies.
I hear the farthest cry and the softest sigh when I’m empty,
But if you leave me I’ll hide in a game like SimCity.
Oh when I die I’m alive,
And when I lose I find,
My identity.
Son,
If I died on my bedroom floor,
Would you cry on your bedroom floor?
And tattoo my name underneath your arm.
I'm at rave
Looking like a slave
High off chronic
Gin and tonic demonic
Body smelt like vomit
Pussy poppin', acid droppin', dope heavy guy
Heroine mescaline pencil leads
wanna try?
Blue pills, golden seals
Got Bizarre actin' ill
Drugs kill - yeah, right
Bitch I'm for real
Shut your mouth you dirty slut
You know you want it in your butt
I'll put it in your cunt
That bizarre nut
Looking like a slave
High off chronic
Gin and tonic demonic
Body smelt like vomit
Pussy poppin', acid droppin', dope heavy guy
Heroine mescaline pencil leads
wanna try?
Blue pills, golden seals
Got Bizarre actin' ill
Drugs kill - yeah, right
Bitch I'm for real
Shut your mouth you dirty slut
You know you want it in your butt
I'll put it in your cunt
That bizarre nut
"When I came to, the general back-alley ambience of the suite was so rotten, so incredibly foul. How long had I been lying there? All these signs of violence. What had happened? There was evidence in this room of excessive consumption of almost every type of drug known to civilized man since 1544 AD. What kind of addict would need all these coconut husks and crushed honeydew rinds? Would the presence of junkies account for all these uneaten french fries? These puddles of glazed ketchup on the bureau? Maybe so. But then why all this booze? And these crude pornographic photos smeared with mustard that had dried to a hard yellow crust? These were not the hoofprints of your average God-fearing junky. It was too savage. Too aggressive. "
- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Raped Of Being
By me
When the walls are closing in on you which way do you turn? What is it that you can do to get yourself out of this space? You stand, facing the vast blankness of walls as they impinge upon you. The life you once had now desecrated. Told it is all only temporary, maybe... but not without permanent effect. You know you can’t let these walls envelope you with their entire enormity. Embarking to salvage whatever you can, there’s nothing from before that is there now.
No matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter with whom you’re with. It’s you and the walls.
You can paint them. You can dress them with framed memories of what once was. You wonder if even cleaning them and scrubbing off the scuffs will present them in an acceptable way you’ve never before imagined. Open to all possibilities you try.
No time out called in this wrestling ring, wasting your much needed energy, you continue on one day at a time. One could argue the walls don’t move “just accept them and deal with it. It’s not about you.” There’s no escape. No understanding or empathy. You take them everywhere you go. The plaster turns into the internal binding of your heart. You are immersed and the walls lose their physical existence and become the very essence of who you are able to be. Accept this? Deal with it? You have no choice. All that’s left is for you to remember who you are. It becomes your continuous mantra.
A mantra that becomes a tune that no longer charms to reason. Your life has changed. Do you even have one or is it all in aid of rebuilding the life of others. What happened to yours? Re-evaluating your purpose, is life really about what it currently is? – Is it about living for others unselfishly rather than about living for yourself and others with some self-interest? What happens when your mantra no longer matters? The walls close in and you succumb to being. Just being. Nothing but the servant of others for the benefit of them to live their own lives. You can only hope that such generosity of sacrifice is acknowledged not by others but by yourself internally and for eternity.
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